Yes, we're still having sex. We just do it a little differently now.
Let's get one thing out of the way right now: AARP doesn't confiscate your libido when you turn 65.
Contrary to what television and popular culture would have us believe, older adults are still dating, flirting, falling in love and, yes, having sex.
Most of us didn't spend our younger years calling it a night at 9:00. We had circuit parties, Dinah Shore weekend, packed bars, Pride festivals, hookups, relationships, and enough questionable decisions to fill a memoir. Some of us found the love of our lives. Others found stories best left for close friends and a strong cocktail.
Growing older doesn't erase those experiences. It changes the venue. We may not be closing down the bars anymore, but we're enthusiastic fans of the Early Bird Special. And we're not just talking about dinner.
The hookups may be fewer, but the conversations afterward are a whole lot better. We know what we like and what we don't. And we're better at saying both out loud.
Don't take my word for it. The research tells us that nearly three-quarters of adults ages 57 to 64 report being sexually active. More than half of adults ages 65 to 74 remain active, and more than one in four adults ages 75 to 85 do, too. ¹ Desire doesn't retire.
Of course, intimacy at 70 isn't quite the same as it was at 30, and that's perfectly okay.
Our bodies change. Intimacy doesn't depend on perfect knees. It depends on creativity, communication, and an extra pillow or two. We may move a little slower, but we've learned that slow isn't the opposite of sexy. Sometimes it's an improvement.
And yes, you can still have sex. You may just need to rethink the choreography. Try positions that are easier on your knees, hips, or back. Pillows can help, as can side-by-side or seated positions. If mobility or disability changes what you can do, adapt rather than give up. Lubricants can help with dryness. Role play, toys, or simply trying something new can add fun. There are no bonus points for following the old playbook. We're older. We're wiser. And, frankly, we have nothing left to prove. ²
Arthritis, diabetes, menopause, prostate issues, and medications can affect desire or performance. The goal isn't to recreate what worked at 30. It's to discover what works now. After all, experience has taught us that the best relationships were never built on gymnastics. They were built on laughter, trust, and knowing each other well enough to laugh when something doesn't quite go according to plan.
Many LGBTQ+ older adults still hesitate to discuss sexual concerns with healthcare providers. Some grew up when talking openly about sexuality wasn't safe. Others assume it's simply "part of getting older."
If discussing sex with your doctor feels awkward, remember this: your doctor has heard it all before. Ask, "I've noticed some changes in my sex life. Is that normal?" Or, "Could any of my medications be affecting my sex drive or sexual function?" Those questions can open the door to solutions. ²
Here's something many of us never expected to be talking about again: condoms. Yet here we are.
Age doesn't protect anyone from sexually transmitted infections. Safer sex, testing when appropriate, and honest conversations with partners remain important at every age. ³
For many older adults, intimacy is about closeness, affection, feeling desired, and sharing the journey.
After everything this generation has lived through, we've earned the right to define intimacy on our own terms. Wrinkles don't cancel romance. Gray hair doesn't eliminate desire. And while we're fans of the Early Bird Special, one thing hasn't changed: love, affection, and the need for human connection never grow old.
We may take a little longer to get there, but we're still enjoying the ride.
1. Lindau, S.T., Schumm, L.P., Laumann, E.O., Levinson, W., O'Muircheartaigh, C.A., & Waite, L.J. A Study of Sexuality and Health Among Older Adults in the United States. New England Journal of Medicine. 2007;357:762–774. The study found that 73% of adults ages 57–64, 53% of those ages 65–74, and 26% of those ages 75–85 reported sexual activity.
2. National Institute on Aging. Sexuality and Intimacy in Older Adults. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
3. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Sexually Transmitted Infections Surveillance, 2024. The CDC notes that age does not eliminate STI risk and that safer sex and testing remain important.
