When you're busy taking care of everyone else, it's surprisingly easy to forget that you need taking care of too.
Dolly Parton and Carl Dean were married for 59 years. Their relationship was famously private, but Dolly was open about something many caregivers understand: while Carl was sick, she stopped taking care of herself.
In 2025, Dolly said that after caring for Carl through his illness and then losing him, she “didn’t take care of myself” and had “let a lot of things go” that she should have been taking care of. ¹ She later faced a series of health problems and died in August 2026 at age 80 following a brief battle with cancer. ²
We cannot say caregiving caused Dolly's illness or her death. But her story illustrates something millions of caregivers know firsthand:
Sometimes taking care of someone else becomes so important that taking care of yourself starts to feel optional.
It isn't.
The Caregiver Often Comes Last
In 2025, approximately 63 million Americans - one in four adults, were family caregivers.³ More than half perform medical or nursing tasks, while nearly two-thirds help with everyday activities such as bathing, dressing and toileting. ⁴
These aren't people simply dropping off a casserole and checking in on Sunday. Many are essentially running a small healthcare system out of the spare bedroom.
And it takes a toll.
CDC data show that 40.7% of caregivers have two or more chronic health conditions, while 36.7% report insufficient sleep. ⁵ Caregivers can also experience higher levels of physical and emotional strain, and many put off their own healthcare because someone else's needs always seem more urgent. ⁵
Then there's sleep. Or, more accurately, the lack thereof.
When you're responsible for someone else around the clock, “get a good night's sleep” can become less of a health recommendation and more of a mythical creature.
The most sobering evidence comes from research on older spousal caregivers. A landmark study found that caregivers experiencing significant physical or emotional strain had a 63% higher risk of dying over a four-year period than comparable non-caregivers. Importantly, that elevated risk was not found among caregivers who reported no strain. ⁶
The point isn't that caregiving will shorten your life.
It's that caregiver strain is real, measurable and potentially dangerous.
Women Carry More of the Load
Women continue to make up the majority of family caregivers, representing about 61% of caregivers compared with 38% men.⁷ Women are also more likely to provide intensive, hands-on care and report greater emotional stress from caregiving. ⁷
And caregiving is often added to everything else: jobs, children, household responsibilities, relationships and the thousand little things that somehow still need to get done.
Eventually, something gets dropped.
Too often, that something is the caregiver.
Self-Care Doesn't Have to Be a Production
Taking care of yourself doesn't require a spa weekend, meditation retreat or week in Bali.
Although, if someone offers you Bali?
Go!
Self-care can be much more ordinary. Eat a real lunch. Drink some water. Take a 15-minute walk. Take your own medication. Keep your doctor's appointment instead of canceling it again. Sit outside for ten quiet minutes. Call a friend. Listen to music. Go to bed.
None of these things will win you a wellness award.
They may, however, help keep you healthy enough to continue being there for the person who needs you.
The goal isn't perfection.
It's making sure that you remain somewhere on your own list.
Don't Ask. Show Up.
When we see a caregiver struggling, we often say, “Let me know if there's anything I can do.”
It's a nice thing to say.
But a caregiver already juggling medications, appointments, meals, transportation, insurance, laundry and approximately 47 other things doesn't need another decision to make.
So don't ask.
Show up.
Bring dinner. Pick up groceries. Walk the dog. Mow the lawn. Do the dishes. Sit with their loved one while they take a shower. Drive them to an appointment. Take them to lunch.
Or give them two hours off.
Two hours may not sound like much. To someone who hasn't had two uninterrupted hours to themselves in months, it can feel like a vacation.
You don't have to fix the situation. You probably can't.
You just have to make the load a little lighter.
Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” try: “I'm coming over Saturday from 1 to 3. I'll stay with Dad. Go do whatever you want.”
And then do it.
The Person Doing the Caring Matters, Too
Caregiving is an extraordinary act of love. But love should not require someone to disappear from their own life.
The person you're caring for needs you.
Which means you need to take care of you.
Take the walk. Eat the meal. Make the appointment. Accept the help. Take the two hours.
And if you know a caregiver, don't wait for them to ask.
Be the person who shows up with the meal, the coffee, the helping hands or the two hours they desperately need.
Because every caregiver needs someone in their corner.
Even the person who is used to being in everyone else's.
Footnotes
1. Dolly Parton, interview/video statement reported in August 2026, discussing her health after caring for her husband, Carl Dean: “Back when my husband Carl was sick... I didn't take care of myself, so I let a lot of things go that I should have been taking care of.”
2. Reuters and Associated Press reporting on Dolly Parton's death on August 25, 2026, at age 80, following a brief battle with cancer. Carl Dean died in March 2025.
3. AARP and National Alliance for Caregiving, Caregiving in the U.S. 2025: approximately 63 million Americans, or about one in four adults, provided ongoing care.
4. AARP and National Alliance for Caregiving, Caregiving in the U.S. 2025: 55% of family caregivers perform medical or nursing tasks; approximately 65% assist with activities of daily living.
5. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Changes in Health Indicators Among Caregivers, 2024. Among caregivers in the CDC analysis, 40.7% reported two or more chronic conditions and 36.7% reported insufficient sleep.
6. Schulz R, Beach SR. “Caregiving as a Risk Factor for Mortality: The Caregiver Health Effects Study.” JAMA. 1999;282(23):2215–2219. The study found that older spousal caregivers experiencing caregiving-related strain had a 63% higher risk of mortality over four years than non-caregiving controls.
7. AARP and National Alliance for Caregiving, Caregiving in the U.S. 2025. Women represent approximately 61% of family caregivers and men approximately 38%; the report also documents differences in caregiving intensity and emotional stress.
